Colored by Perfectionism

I hope that this post makes you laugh, because I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry about this revelation.

I think that many of those who know me understand that I am a Type-A perfectionist. I struggle with it daily -- it AND all the things that go with it. (See also procrastination below.)

I am doing a bible study with PWOC entitled "Wives of the Warriors" by Ronda Sturgill. This week we studied many aspects of God's grace to us as believers. The foundation verse for this chapter was 1 Corinthians 15:10:

By the grace of God I am what I am and His grace to me was not without effect.

So, perfectionist me, looking through her perfectionist glasses, reads this verse as saying this: God made Paul the great man he was through an act of grace (yes, I remember the story from Sunday School about the Road to Damascus.). If I seek out God’s grace and He gives it to me, then He will make me like Paul. He will change me into a new creation and work great things through me like the conversion of half the ancient world to Christianity and writing a large portion of the New Testament. (You are also getting a glimpse of something else I struggle with, which I will deal with in a later post – can you guess what it is? HINT: It’s one of the seven deadly sins.)

Well, at least I got the new creation part right. But imagine my embarrassment that, despite reading this verse every day this week, I seem to have MISSED THE WHOLE POINT.

It wasn’t just embarrassment, it was also relief. He doesn’t want me to be Paul (phew… ‘cause those are some big sandals to fill).

By His grace, he made me who I am right now. He gave me the gifts and the foibles that make me uniquely me. He didn’t intend for me to be anything else that what I am now. I am not a disappointment to Him.

This is why we need to study and discuss scripture with those around us. Equally as amazing to me is that God’s plan for me included this misunderstanding, so that I might better understand myself.

I am a procrastinator...

There, I said it.

Can I tell you how many more important things I have to do right now? What is wrong with me? I don't remember that I used to be this way.

So, today, I mailed four boxes that should have been mailed in DECEMBER. I wish that I could say that completes my holiday mailing, but NO! I have at least two more boxes to send out.

I have been kidding myself, saying that I am just eating the elephant one bite at a time, but really, things are getting ridiculous here.

So, what is my brilliant plan to combat this? Today, I was reading a book review on a book called "The NOW Habit." Do I really think that I need to spend more time reading (and thereby less time doing?) Hmmmm......

For now, I'm just going to sleep on it.

Long Absences

Well, as I sit down to write this, it's nearly 1:30pm and I am just enjoying my morning coffee. As you can see, I am running a little behind.

I want to apologize for my absence here. After we got through the grief associated with losing Brian Allgood, we launched headlong into grief and dispair over the dismissal of our nanny. This was followed immediately by the inevitable, Murphy-worthy illness of Princess Pea, which is still underway.

All of these conspired to keep me intensely focused on the happenings and feelings within the four walls of our home. I have completly shut out even important external events, like the birthdays of both of Princess Pea's grandmothers. I simply haven't had the energy for introspection. Getting through the rigors of the day seemed overwhelming, and I often collapsed on the bed at the end of the day, wondering how I was going to get through the next one.

Today, it seems that the fog is lifting a bit. So, now seemed like the time to get back at the task of sharing details and thoughts with you. Please forgive that it has taken this long to get back here.