Colored by Perfectionism

I hope that this post makes you laugh, because I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry about this revelation.

I think that many of those who know me understand that I am a Type-A perfectionist. I struggle with it daily -- it AND all the things that go with it. (See also procrastination below.)

I am doing a bible study with PWOC entitled "Wives of the Warriors" by Ronda Sturgill. This week we studied many aspects of God's grace to us as believers. The foundation verse for this chapter was 1 Corinthians 15:10:

By the grace of God I am what I am and His grace to me was not without effect.

So, perfectionist me, looking through her perfectionist glasses, reads this verse as saying this: God made Paul the great man he was through an act of grace (yes, I remember the story from Sunday School about the Road to Damascus.). If I seek out God’s grace and He gives it to me, then He will make me like Paul. He will change me into a new creation and work great things through me like the conversion of half the ancient world to Christianity and writing a large portion of the New Testament. (You are also getting a glimpse of something else I struggle with, which I will deal with in a later post – can you guess what it is? HINT: It’s one of the seven deadly sins.)

Well, at least I got the new creation part right. But imagine my embarrassment that, despite reading this verse every day this week, I seem to have MISSED THE WHOLE POINT.

It wasn’t just embarrassment, it was also relief. He doesn’t want me to be Paul (phew… ‘cause those are some big sandals to fill).

By His grace, he made me who I am right now. He gave me the gifts and the foibles that make me uniquely me. He didn’t intend for me to be anything else that what I am now. I am not a disappointment to Him.

This is why we need to study and discuss scripture with those around us. Equally as amazing to me is that God’s plan for me included this misunderstanding, so that I might better understand myself.