Shape your world

"It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts." -- Thoreau's Walden

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"On the Road Again...


...like a band of gypsies we go down the highway."

Well, in our case, it's not exactly a highway. It's six airplanes, followed by a 5-day highway trek across the US. We could have gotten there in four airplanes, but decided to take some decompression time in Waikiki on the way home.

It's always something to watch your belongings packed up into boxes, and packed into crates, and then loaded on a truck. It's amazing that despite moving 8300 pounds of stuff away, we are managing just fine with the four plates and saucepan that we kept behind while we wait for our scheduled departure.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I learned something new...

Yesterday, I learned something new about my host country. When you park on the street in a parking spot that's been delineated by white borders, you have to pay to park there.

I guess it's like having a parking meter there to shove quarters into, but it was just different having a Korean man approach me and try to explain this to me, when the only word I really understood was "Musso" (which is the name of my car -- kind of like someone would use "Accord" or "Mustang").

Well, problem solved thanks to a little explanation by a store owner who spoke good English. The price? 1,000 Korean Won per half hour - about $1.10.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Time for some new art work


Well, despite being too busy to think most days, I took some time this Wednesday to attend my art class. This art class is held every week, but I have only found time to attend three times in the past two and one-half months. But, I am going on an extended trip starting next week, and I wanted to finish two paintings that I had been working on. I HATE to have unfinished projects hanging over me (which should tell you how happy I am going to be in about 6 weeks when I can say I've finished my graduate project and exams, and am just waiting for graduation!)

So, here's the debut of these two new paintings. The one featured here was inspired by a photo of a hibiscus bloom that I took while vacationing in Hawaii in November, taken outside our beach cabin at Pililaau Armed Forces Recreation Center in the town of Waianae on Oahu. It is a departure in subject matter for me. I've now painted four paintings, three of which have been landscapes. This is the first time I've stepped out of that subject matter.

The other painting has been added to my sidebar. It depicts Kimchi pots on a roof top. Anyone who's been to Korea will instantly recognize this icon of Korean life. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of experiencing Kimchi, you can read more about it here. But, truly, kimchi is not something that you can truly know until you have tasted it. (As an aside, I had the best cabbage kimchi that I have ever tasted this week at the home of a friend, Lee JooYeon, who is the wife of our chaplain. Like many things, the store-bought kimchi pales in comparison to that made at home with love.) If this painting looks familiar, it's because I posted an in-progress look at it before during this post on January 15th.

Encouraged by my teacher, Mrs. Shim JungAe, I am entering both into the local military fine arts exhibition and competition that will take place late April through early May.

No, not a blog party, a pity party!

Okay, the fact that my good friend Cheri actually posted a link to my near-dead blog has embarrassed me into posting.

Why no posts last month? I just didn't have the energy. Princess Pea was sick 3 out of 4 weeks of February (stomach flu, cold, ear infection in that order). So, every shred of energy that I had was pouring into taking care of a sick toddler, then trying to arrest the chaos that my home was descending into, then trying to finish my graduate project (now only 5 weeks to go until the deadline). No energy left for personal blogging.

Plus, what time I did dedicate for the internet didn't suit itself for posting to the blog -- you see, often when I try to access blogger, even when I'm logged in, everything displays in Hangul (the Korean language). It makes it really hard to post. I can't do anything except click on the orange button, which I can usually remember means "publish."

Okay, pity party over. Now let's resume blogging...

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Colored by Perfectionism

I hope that this post makes you laugh, because I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry about this revelation.

I think that many of those who know me understand that I am a Type-A perfectionist. I struggle with it daily -- it AND all the things that go with it. (See also procrastination below.)

I am doing a bible study with PWOC entitled "Wives of the Warriors" by Ronda Sturgill. This week we studied many aspects of God's grace to us as believers. The foundation verse for this chapter was 1 Corinthians 15:10:

By the grace of God I am what I am and His grace to me was not without effect.

So, perfectionist me, looking through her perfectionist glasses, reads this verse as saying this: God made Paul the great man he was through an act of grace (yes, I remember the story from Sunday School about the Road to Damascus.). If I seek out God’s grace and He gives it to me, then He will make me like Paul. He will change me into a new creation and work great things through me like the conversion of half the ancient world to Christianity and writing a large portion of the New Testament. (You are also getting a glimpse of something else I struggle with, which I will deal with in a later post – can you guess what it is? HINT: It’s one of the seven deadly sins.)

Well, at least I got the new creation part right. But imagine my embarrassment that, despite reading this verse every day this week, I seem to have MISSED THE WHOLE POINT.

It wasn’t just embarrassment, it was also relief. He doesn’t want me to be Paul (phew… ‘cause those are some big sandals to fill).

By His grace, he made me who I am right now. He gave me the gifts and the foibles that make me uniquely me. He didn’t intend for me to be anything else that what I am now. I am not a disappointment to Him.

This is why we need to study and discuss scripture with those around us. Equally as amazing to me is that God’s plan for me included this misunderstanding, so that I might better understand myself.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

I am a procrastinator...

There, I said it.

Can I tell you how many more important things I have to do right now? What is wrong with me? I don't remember that I used to be this way.

So, today, I mailed four boxes that should have been mailed in DECEMBER. I wish that I could say that completes my holiday mailing, but NO! I have at least two more boxes to send out.

I have been kidding myself, saying that I am just eating the elephant one bite at a time, but really, things are getting ridiculous here.

So, what is my brilliant plan to combat this? Today, I was reading a book review on a book called "The NOW Habit." Do I really think that I need to spend more time reading (and thereby less time doing?) Hmmmm......

For now, I'm just going to sleep on it.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Long Absences

Well, as I sit down to write this, it's nearly 1:30pm and I am just enjoying my morning coffee. As you can see, I am running a little behind.

I want to apologize for my absence here. After we got through the grief associated with losing Brian Allgood, we launched headlong into grief and dispair over the dismissal of our nanny. This was followed immediately by the inevitable, Murphy-worthy illness of Princess Pea, which is still underway.

All of these conspired to keep me intensely focused on the happenings and feelings within the four walls of our home. I have completly shut out even important external events, like the birthdays of both of Princess Pea's grandmothers. I simply haven't had the energy for introspection. Getting through the rigors of the day seemed overwhelming, and I often collapsed on the bed at the end of the day, wondering how I was going to get through the next one.

Today, it seems that the fog is lifting a bit. So, now seemed like the time to get back at the task of sharing details and thoughts with you. Please forgive that it has taken this long to get back here.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

More about Colonel Brian D. Allgood

There has been a lot in the news about COL Allgood since my post on Monday.

NBC Nightly News did a nice tribute to him and the other helicopter crash victims on the air on Thursday and in their accompanying blog. The broadcast feature is available on the web from a link on that page. (There’s also a terrific story that was broadcast that same day about the Fisher House program for Wounded Warriors and their families, so please check that out while you are there.)

There has been an Associated Press story circulating in many newspapers that includes statements from his extended family. This is the version from the Colorado Springs Gazette.

There was an OpEd tribute to COL Allgood in the Saturday, January 27, 2007 Pacific Edition of the Stars and Stripes written by COL Allgood’s colleage in Iraq, COL S. Ward
Casscells.

Blog Tributes:

Here’s a link to a Heroes Memorial Blog here on blogger.com. Several of COL Allgood’s friends and family have left comments here.

Sus at One Life to Give leaves a personal tribute to her friend a colleague.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Article from the Stars & Stripes, 27 January Pacific Edition

Stars & Stripes
Pacific Edition
January 27, 2006

OPINION

Mourning a doctor who improved Iraq

BY COL. S. WARD CASSCELLS

We were on the way to church when we heard the news: a few hours earlier, on 20 January, a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter had been shot down north of Baghdad, killing all 12 soldiers. “There but for the grace of God” was my first thought, as I had just returned from a tour of duty there and had often flown in a Black Hawk.

Then it became clear that one of the soldiers was Col. Brian Allgood, a West Point graduate and Ranger-turned-surgeon, whose spotless record as a military medical leader had taken him from the operating room to the fast track for general. He was the fourth American colonel, and highest-ranking doctor, to die in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

As Gen. George W. Casey Jr.’s command surgeon for Multinational Force-Iraq, Brian oversaw the care of coalition troops, but he also had responsibility for the coalition’s support of Iraqi health care. He and I (serving as the coalition’s health policy liaison to U.S. Ambassador, Zalmay Khalilzad) spent many hours together last summer and fall in Iraq, struggling to understand what we could do to help Iraqi leaders and doctors improve Iraq’s health care.

Not knowing when or if the fighting might abate, we debated whether we could somehow persuade Iraq’s Ministry of health (which would not agree to meet with us) to crack down on corruption, or went to spend its “rainy day” funds, matching them with ours, though little remained of either. Or should the focus be on repairs to hospitals, to the ancient water and sanitation systems, or on training doctors, nurses and managers, and developing functioning supply, engineering and information systems?

Not surprisingly, these vexing questions did not elicit agreement among health policy leaders within Multinational Force Iraq, the U.S. departments of State and Health and Human Services, much less with the Ministry of Health or the World Health Organization.

Into this maze came Col. Allgood. He had the effortless grace of officers whose mental and physical fitness set them apart. He was direct, and did not kiss up or kick down, swear, yell or threaten. He said little, promised less, learned fast and acted faster: Within months his above-the-fray example had calmed the infighting of U.S. government agencies, enabling him to put together a health plan — for coalition troops and for coalition assistance to Iraqi health — as comprehensive as that of any professor or government official, but with the practicality of a surgeon who, having heard all the opinions, set the plan with every confidence his staff would give it all they had.

His command presence led even older officers to treat him with deference, but when I kidded him about it he said only that the thing he liked least about the Army was returning all the salutes. Other than that, I never once heard him complain. He expected a lot, and he set a high standard for things like combat medals. But he reviewed proposed missions to be sure the goals were worth the risk, And, true to the Army tradition of “first out of the foxhole, last in the chow line,” he led many of those missions himself, and offered me his own roomy quarters when I complained about mine. Embarrassed, I declined.

Far from home, working in close quarters 18 hours a day, seven days a week, bombed and shot at, yet Col. Allgood was able to maintain the distance that avoids even the appearance of favoritism, the distance that charges soldiers to find strength in themselves, to stay in touch with their families, and — at least in Col. Allgood’s case — with God, but not to mention it.

Why God ordains, or permits, the loss of a great leader, with so much yet to give, is as mysterious as why the enemy shoots at helicopters painted with a red cross. As soldiers say, it is “above my pay grade,” like whether we should be in Iraq at all: Soldiers, who know better than anyone the costs of war, may debate and advise, but once the mission is set, they carry it out in accordance with regulations.

In response to our letters over the past several years, Congress and President Bush increased in 2006 the combat death benefit from $8,000 to $100,000, with more insurance (up to $400,000) for those who subscribe, and up to $788 per month for college. Bills to further improve benefits are before Congress, but for today it is enough to note how blessed we are by the example of Col. Allgood.

May all Iraqis learn that one of our best gave his life on their behalf, and ours.

May we never forget him, or neglect the mission. And may we, his friends and country, look after his family, as he looked after those in his command.

Dr. (Col.) S. Ward Casscells is in the Army Reserve and is John Edward Tyson distinguished professor of medicine, cardiology and public health and vice president for biotechnology at University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Requiem - Colonel Brian D. Allgood


It is a sad day for us here in Korea. We learned today that a fellow brother-at-arms was killed in Iraq this weekend in the helicopter crash.

Colonel Brian Allgood was my husband's commanding officer until this past summer. We had known the Allgood family since we all served in uniform together at Fort Bragg in 1997 in the 44th Medical Brigade.

COL Allgood was an orthopedic surgeon who had been on the "command track" in Army Medicine. He was a phenomenal doctor and a great human being. It is no doubt that great things were ahead for this talented and dedicated Soldier medic.

My husband will tell you that COL Allgood was a great leader. He gave guidance and then got out of your way so you could do what needed to get done. He was articulate and compassionate.

I knew him as a man who would always take the time to do the right thing. When our daughter was hospitalized last year, he took time out of his day to go to Samsung Medical Center NICU and talk to her doctors personally, so that he could reassure us that everything was going to be okay. And, just this past week, despite fighting a war and being a continent away, he found time to congratulate our friend George on his selection for promotion to Major.

Ultimately, it has been COL Allgood's own words that have returned to comfort me today. He used to say, "At the end of the day, it is what it is," which was his way of telling you that often, you can't change the nature of things. The best you can do is accept them, and keep moving forward.

Sometimes, God calls his Saints home before we are ready to part company with them. Thank you, Lord, for sharing this one with us.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Resolutions for 2007

I've never been one who feels the big push for change with the turning of the year, but this year is a bit different. I think that it is the confluence of several events: Princess Pea's First Birthday, the Holidays, and the one-year anniversary of our move here to Daegu. Each of these has forced me to look back over the past year-ish block of time and ask myself where I want to be next year, and what would I like to say that I have accomplished by this time next year.

When I recently set out to lose the last 15 of my pregnancy pounds, I posted my goals on the bulletin board for the program that I was on, and I noticed a special pull to keep up with those goals because, let's face it, people were watching. Accountability helps me overcome procrastination. So here we go:

1. Finish my Masters. I have been working on this since 2002. Moving away from the campus (and I mean AWAY by about 8000 miles) has not helped me get this accomplished. To complete the degree, I have to finish my graduate project and present it to my advisory committee. I've made contact with the department and will do this the week of 23 April 2007.

2. Stay in contact with people. I have been sporadic in personal correspondence since arriving here in Korea. To help me out, I have gone through my personal weekly calendar and written the names of two people that I will email or write each week. I did this all the way through December 2007. I'm happy to report that I sent emails to the two people written on my calendar for the week that ends today. The Blogs fit in nicely here. I hope they will help with the effort to keep folks tied into what we are doing over here on the far edge of the world.

3. Transfer the current system of financial management to a single-source system like Quicken. For those of you who have done this, you'll know that this is a big task. I'm currently working with 4 different spreadsheets, and I'm ready to have this all in one place. The challenge is that I'm a PC user, while DH uses a Mac. Mac personal finance software is pretty limited, and I'm not sure whether or not I'm going to keep the laptop past the summer (It's getting really old...). So, if anyone has any suggestions, I'm still considering my options here.

4. Grow Spiritually. This one actually has three subgoals: commit to a bible study (which I did, it started this past Friday), write and share my testimony (mostly so that I can clearly understand it myself), and prepare for the annullment process through prayer (this one will take some explanation, but not today.)

5. Be healthier. Drink more water, eat less, spend more time outside, shut off the TV. Do a small step each day, and realize that I need to treat my body as a friend.

6. Say "No." 2006 was a year where I overcommitted, especially during the holidays. I need to take a step back and reprioritize. I am especially going to say "No" at Christmastime next year. Yes, that's right -- NO committments after the 15th of December -- no parties, no fundraisers, nothing.

Okay, there they are for all to read. Please help me meet these through suggestions or loving reminders this year.

P.S. For those of you who want resolutions of your own, I found this great New Year's Resolution suggestion page you can visit.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Travel Envy


I like to think of myself as an accomplished traveler, but I am quickly being put to shame by my cousin, who recently returned from ten days in Egypt.

I am publishing a photo she took while at Karnak. There were tons of great photos to choose from (she has 250+ in her online album).

Most of my travel energy these days goes to visits with my folks, since my daughter is their only grandbaby. We haven't done an adventure travel trip since I was three months pregnant, despite pining for exotic destinations. Hopefully, we can rectify that in the coming year.

Kudos, MK, for getting out to see the world. I'm green with travel envy.

Oil Painting Lessons


I have been painting now for about five months, and I love it. I have been taking classes weekly from a local painter here. There are about 5-6 students in class each week, and we paint in a tiny studio for about 2 1/2 - 3 hours each Wednesday morning.


Our class is very informal, with students picking their subject as they please and working with as much direction as they care to take each week. My instructor is Korean, but has considerable English vocabulary. There are also two bi-lingual students in the class who help with the communications barrier.


My first painting is posted here on the blog corner, but, I don't think of it as finished. There are some things that I want to do with it that I simply haven't learned how to do yet. I'm sure that I will revisit it sometime in the future before I leave Korea. It is a famous Korean landscape from Cheju Island.


I am working now on my third painting -- you can see the work in progress here. The picture is Kimchee pots on a rooftop, which is a common sight in some areas of Korea. (As you would imagine, in urban Korea you are more likely to by your Kimchee in the supermarket.) The painting is coming along well, although slowly. I don't know how Bob Ross can do a painting in 45 minutes. Truly, it is a slow-go process for me. This is easily 8 hours of work already invested in this one.


I wrestle with how to photograph my paintings - natural light doesn't show the detail, yet flash makes the colors fade or stand out in a way that they shouldn't.


But, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, I love it. It is great to have a creative outlet in your life. Although, once you have that outlet, you crave it and recognize that the time that you are giving it is not enough. I think it's just another indicator of how out of balance our lives are today.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

New Parents Part 2

If you're wondering what became of my friends George and Catherine, I have posted a link to their Baby Blog. Baby Jack sure is one cutie-pie.

I hear he even slept five hours in a row last night. He's going to be one smart cookie, too!

Princess Pea's Playground

After I posted my last entry about Princess Pea's Reading List, I decided to create a new blogsite just for her -- Princess Pea's Playground.

What does it say about me that I wanted to keep World Wide Canvas my own? Who knows -- I just felt strongly that I wanted Canvas to be about my life apart from my role as a parent.

Of course, those experiences inform and shape my perceptions of a great many things. And there are bound to be several parenting entries to come on Canvas, but the day-to-day activities of my Toddler's life belong somewhere else. This forum is about me -- mom, yes, but also: daughter, wife, friend, artist, teacher, and all the other labels you see on my "About Me" corner.

p.s. the aforementioned post, Princess Pea's Reading List, has been moved to Princess Pea's Playground.

Friday, January 5, 2007

New Parents

As I sit down to write this post, I have just learned that my friends George and Catherine are on their way to the hospital to deliver their baby. This is such an exciting time! I remember just a little over one year ago when I made the transition to being a parent. It was a wonderful day, despite the pain and all the things my doctors and nurses had to do to make it happen.

My memories of that day are so vivid and I imagine that time will do little to fade them. Nearly as vivid are the memories of the many friends and neighbors that made meals for us, loaned us baby books and gear, and kept an eye on my sleeping Angel so I could make a quick trip to the grocery store.

So, now it's my turn. My friend Catherine's situation is very much like mine: 7,000 miles from home, giving birth to my first child, dealing with cultural norms vastly different than my own and doing all these things in the dead of winter. Today, I'm lining up friends to cook dinners and passing along visitation wishes. This is truly "paying it forward."

You can't ever repay the favors given to you by others during this special time when you're too busy becoming a parent to feed yourself. You can only honor the cycle and make the transition easier for the next new mom you encounter.

Catherine and George - Good Luck and enjoy every hair-raising moment!

Mothers who came to my aid last year - Thanks. I'm thinking of each of you today and thanking God for putting you in my life when I needed you.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Initial Post

Hello, Everyone. Thanks for dropping by.

I want to provide a quick disclaimer - if you are looking for timely, insightful musings that you can check out daily, please keep browsing. I've never been that dedicated to anything, especially anything remotely related to a journal and I don't expect blogging to be any different.

But, several people have encouraged me to have an online place to post updates - and I have been known to harbor an opinion or two. So, let's just see what happens with this little experiment.