Fear and Deprivation

Ten days ago, I bought a new car. Well, it is a used car - one year used. And I love my new ride.

Still, there are some parts of the decision that I am not happy with, and here's what I mentally wrestling with.

• Despite the fact that I drove the same sedan for nine years, I feel a bit guilty about buying a newer vehicle now - in the middle of the economic mess when I feel that instead, I should be saving my money instead of giving it to a car dealership.
• The vehicle I purchased gets about 60% of the gas mileage of my old sedan. Nevermind that I drive easily 60% less than I did in the days of commuting to work everyday and that I live in a 100% walkable community and that even at this reduced gas mileage the new vehicle burns about half the gas of my husband's ride of choice, I still feel guilty about burning more fuel when I do drive.
• There's a button for everything in this vehicle. I thought that would be a good thing, but now that I've owned it for one week, I'm a bit dismayed that there's a button for everything.

But, the truth about this purchase is that it was about my feelings of fear (that I was going to miss out on this vehicle which was everything that I had wanted) and deprivation (that I had squeezed everyone and everything into my small sedan while wishing that I could afford something bigger and more practical for far too long now.) And fear and deprivation is just not where you want to be making big purchase decisions.

And yet, isn't this where many of us make decisions? I know enough to know that I've been here before - buying my first home, buying my last car and many other decisions too personal to mention.

It's a shame that of all the emotions that our economy and our world could run on - these are the two that we've chosen.

What I've been up to Lately

Well, I've been back in school since the end of January. It's put a serious dent into my free time.

My first assignment (and really the first time I've written academically in over a year) was a contribution to our class wiki page on the teachings of major world religions regarding the environment.

It was a difficult subject for me. I was the only one in my class who wrote on a religion that they subscribe to, so I took an exceptionally personal interest in what I found. I have to admit that I didn't like everything that I found. I am, however, encouraged by recent developments.

If you're interested you can read my contribution (and those of my classmates) here.